When the boat turns

Large boats don't turn around quickly. You can't spin them on a dime like a Jetski. Had the Titanic been capable of a quick turn, it could have avoided the catastrophic collision with the iceberg that sank it. Now, I don't see myself or my life as on a collision course with disaster. But I do see that change and redemption is in process, but progress is slow.

God told me a few years ago that I would feel ready for a new relationship before I actually was ready for one. And now I am seeing that truth. At certain times I feel the isolation of being a widow, being a single parent. And it would be great to have companionship again, physical touch and emotional support. The process to reach that point, however, is terrifying. To be frank, I'm scared of what "dating" could be and "putting myself out there". Yuck. I would far rather a man just show up! So, while I process these thoughts, nothing is happening.

Meanwhile, I am blessed and thrilled to say that some things have turned around. In early January, I was approached by my manager and asked if I would be interested in covering for another department for a while - it was a job I had been interviewed for in September, but another, more qualified person was offered the job then. She ended up getting her dream job two months after starting this one, and it was being offered to me!

One of my friends had said she felt that there would be no effort. The door would just open and I would walk through. That is exactly what happened! I did have to go through another interview for the job, but this time I was offered it! And, to be honest, I am so very happy in this new role. I absolutely love it. I am still doing all the things I love most, but without some of the stress from the previous role. And I'm enjoying being part of a new team of people with lots of scope for learning and growth.

So, yes, the ship CAN turn around! You can be going along with your mind fixed on staying in faith, trusting in God and waiting patiently and then, suddenly, there it is! This was a completely unexpected gift that came from left field. And now the door has opened and the path is before me in a whole new way.

I would like to apply this principle to dating now. Even a year ago, I could not fathom relationships with any man. So, slowly this boat is turning around to the reality of life without my husband, and the hope that this isn't the end for me in terms of love and friendship with men. We shall see. I do know that I am not interested in online dating or any of the stuff that comes with it (swiping left, messaging etc). But I will see whether that, too, changes over time.