In the last year, I have been going through a number of interviews trying to find another position. Although it is a good thing that I am at least getting interviews, it has been discouraging to be rejected over and over again. I do not want to return to a place of rejection and discouragement. I want to rise up in faith to receive the New Thing that God is forming in me.
As I was journaling a few days ago, it dawned on me that I have often had the words "things just don't work out for me" in my mind even before the interview. Exploring this a bit further brought me to a specific difficult time my husband and I faced when our plans to be missionaries fell through. We had planned and prepared and prayed. We had the blessing of two churches and were in submission to leaders in the mission organization. In many ways, we had done everything "right". But it still didn't work out. The process of walking that out was extremely hard on us as a couple. It hit our marriage and our relationship faltered. But what I didn't anticipate was the lasting effects of the failure.
Now, looking back, there is a deeper pattern of barrenness that has been in place a long time. In many contexts fruitfulness has evaded me. But today is the day of new beginnings. This is what the mantle of freedom is for. God showed me that barrenness is overcome by declaring fruitfulness. Rather than ignoring a situation and hoping for the best, it is better to address it directly. That is my learning in this season.
Just to be clear, I do NOT believe that barrenness contributed in any way to my husband's death. However, it did have a certain impact on our marriage, our abilities as parents and now my ability to launch out into the next New Thing.
Psalm 34:8-9 Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him. Fear the Lord, you His saints, for those who fear Him lack nothing.
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