WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
Some days I'm afraid of the future. It isn't going to look like it did with my husband, I know that. But I'm afraid of falling in love with someone who isn't who he says he is (maybe I've been watching too many movies, but I know people who have jumped in haste and then it all unraveled. I don't want that!).
I am afraid of the day my daughter leaves home and I'm alone. I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to figure that one out.
I am afraid of failing (I just had a job interview - I've had four interviews in the last few weeks, and so far I haven't gotten one of the jobs). I'm afraid of the unknown, the What If?, the phone call. I am overthinking and feeling ashamed of myself for not being organized. I felt scattered, not confident. I had notes with me, but didn't consult them. Maybe I won't have an opportunity to get any of the jobs I've applied for because I'm not good enough, just not enough.
I am afraid of new people and the energy it takes to make new friends. Am I the only one who feels this way? Even if I am, it's still not something God wants for me.
WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF IT?
This could be the hardest question to answer, but the picture explains it. Imagine fear like a hill or small mountain. It does build up, and before you know it, you are surrounded. Like this photo from Hobbiton, I'm living in the hill with anxiety and fear over and around me. This is not where I live, but I have built it up around me so it feels like there is no escape.
I can tell you that I don't have to be afraid of anything. I can quote chapter and verse from the Bible and tell you all manner of reasons why God will take care of me if I just trust Him... that wonderful phrase that so many Christians use to make each other feel guilty for not trusting enough (whatever that means).
I am afraid because I haven't been soaking in God's presence, I tried to go it alone today, because I am not hearing from Him, or just because I am imagining things without God in it.
I have a quotation from Toby Mac on my bulletin board: Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and think of what could go right.
I need that heart and that mindset right now.
WHAT IS GOD SAYING?
This is the part where I realize that I don't know. However, if I do know, then I need to speak it out and dispel the gloom.
This morning, I read a passage from Deuteronomy 1:21 "See, the Lord your God has given you the land. Go up and take possession of it as the Lord, the God of your ancestors, told you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
I also have felt certain when the Lord is convicting me of something because it's clear and certain. Nebulous, vague fear like this is not from God. Fear and trembling before the Lord is not the same as being gripped with fear and trembling (like something from outside is taking you by the shoulders and shaking you).
Fear can be so debilitating. Anxiety is the foreboding, the anticipation of bad things. But love casts out all fear. Anxiety ends when we give it all to God in prayer (do not be anxious about anything, but in everything present your petitions and requests to God). That's what this message said (amongst other things): fear is dispelled by love. At the very root of it, if we do not feel the love of God, there is a lot that is lacking.
WHAT IS THE RESULT?
I will set my feet on a rock (a firm place to stand, out of the miry clay) and a new song will come forth from my mouth (Ps. 40).
I will rest under the shelter of His wings (Ps. 91).
I will be strong and courageous. Where I set my feet, will be my possession. God will be with me wherever I go(Joshua 1).
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Saviour and my God! (Ps 62).
God's P.S.
You didn't fail today. You are fearful that you aren't enough because that is the way you feel. However, that is not what I say to you. What I always say to you is that you are enough! You are more than enough because I am within you, and you do well. You may feel that you went into the interview without me, but that's not true. You prayed before you went and acknowledged that you were trying in your own strength. Then you asked me to fill you and be with you there, so I was. Despite the fact that you felt scattered, you still provided answers to the questions which were clear and relevant. You should get another interview because you are a strong candidate. You just need to see yourself as a strong candidate. In every single interview that you have had, your self-perception has been a deciding factor. Don't let your self-perception override what I know to be true about you! I am far less critical of you than you are of yourself. It is something I am keen for you to change. Begin to see yourself with conviction and acceptance.
Your future is taking place one day at a time. To fall into a bad relationship or a bad marriage happens over time. It's a gradual and ongoing decision to move forward with something that I would be telling you is wrong. I wouldn't stay silent for long if I wasn't keen. I would always give you and him a chance to make it work, but I wouldn't let it continue if it was wrong for either of you. Know that I am capable of making myself heard.
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