It's been a long process, but we are nearly to the end of the legal adoption conveyor belt. We signed papers in 2012, wrote affidavits, visited lawyers. One daughter signed her consent to be adopted, one did not. So some of the paperwork had to be re-done as only one of the two children was going to be adopted. But nothing happened for a year.
I was advised to consult with a lawyer, but resisted this, hoping that discussions could be possible. Nothing happened and it dragged on. No one answered or acknowledged my emails. Others within the system tried to help, but didn't seem to accomplish anything (I'm not even sure much was done other than have good intentions). We prayed, we contended. And still we waited.
When I finally did consult a laywer, I was amazed at how quickly she was able to get a response from the silent parties. Within 2 weeks it was clear that an agreement needed to be formalized. Slowly we progressed in that direction (it took almost two months for something to be drafted), and then found out we needed to re-do all our paperwork. It had stale-dated because of the delay.
Back to the lawyers again, more papers to sign, more affidavits to draft and sign and have witnessed. And then more paperwork was requested by one of the lawyers: a formal written agreement to outline visitation requirements between the sisters (my daughter and her sister). This would be intended to show good will on both sides to encourage a continuing bond between my daughter and her sister.
Again, about 4-5 weeks went by to get that drafted. With Christmas holidays intervening that seemed to slow it down a little. Last week I finally went to sign what I hope is the last paper before the judge signs the official papers declaring that adoption is final, legal and complete.
The Bible talks about things reaching completion which implies fullness and a sense of perfection. In this situation, there have been so many roadblocks and delays it's hard to imagine what more could go wrong (all the while imagining any number of mysterious and unknown circumstances which could mess things up now).
In the fulness of time, God sent Jesus to fulfill every prophecy and to meet the need for redemption for sins. He was long-awaited and much anticipated. Yet, when he came, he was not recognized for who he was. He was misunderstood, even reviled. His death was momentous and yet was a hugely costly step for him to take. He did it willingly, for the joy set before him (Hebrews 12:2).
Each step forward brings us to the next vista, the next viewpoint. I have learned, in this process, that the next step leads forward but it also leads to seeing the landscape of what lies ahead. Sometimes it can be overwhelming, or scary. Jesus shed blood in Gethsemane. He was overcome with the weight of our sin and the task he had been sent for.
But he did it.
That is my experience on a much smaller scale. I step forward, and realize how overwhelming it is ahead of me. When the adoption is legal, then my daughter is truly my daughter under the law. At the same time, I will hold more responsibility for organizing the visits between her and her sister. That is daunting to me, in thinking about the relationship broken between me and my older daughter who is no longer my daughter. My heart sinks as I think ahead.
God says, in the midst of it:
It may not seem smooth at times, but you will see how I work it out so the girls can visit. You want this to happen with the minimum of harm to yourself. Because you've had to struggle and fight the whole time so far, you assume that won't change. Perhaps it can. Perhaps you can find a new a living way forward as you move into this new environment as a legal parent. There is a spiritual shift that you will see once the paperwork is complete and you are legally a mother. The spiritual authority you have will almost be formalized.
I will be here to help. Don't assume I am not.
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