Marriage is a picture of God's love for us

... or at least it should be...

16 years ago, I married my husband on a cold and rainy day. This year it is glorious, warm and sunny. Everything is in contrast, but I don't look back on that day with any regret or trauma. There is nothing but joy about that day 16 years ago, and every year after that (until now).

My aunt made us a cross stitch sampler as a gift, and it has been with us in every single place we have been. Our ritual, in the years we moved all the time, was to put this on the wall. Then we would be reminded that where-ever we were together, was home.

The verse that really spoke to me at the time (not our life verse, and not even one we came back to often) was Proverbs 24:3-4. "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures."

This verse, to me, is a wonderful description of what marriage should be in God's economy. We all know that many marriages, Christian or not, are not this way. However, if we are blessed enough to know a loving and strong marriage, all the more glory to God.

We built our marriage on wisdom of experience, the word of God and revelation of the Holy Spirit. We knew that we were meant to be together. Our love story was too covered in God-incidence to be any other way. And we established our marriage, our home and our family life on understanding of one another.

We endured many things, persevered through many trials and disappointments. At times we felt that all the things we tried were dismal failures. We faced each thing together, as a team. As we developed greater knowledge of one another, we also found - like most couples who stay married - that our love deepened and matured. It became impossible to imagine life apart, although that is now my reality.

I am grateful for 15 years. It was not enough, and frankly I would never have been ready to say goodbye, but it ended too soon, with too many unresolved issues. Now I am left to remember things - coloured with trauma, painful to remember. I hope that at some point I will remember things without this pain. I also hope that I will always remember things in balance.

My husband was not a saint, and our life together did not go along smoothly and perfectly. However, we did find our way through some very tough times. We overcame. It never entered my mind that we would not overcome every challenge we faced. Together we were greater than alone. The whole was greater than the sum of its parts (did I get the saying right?).

I was talking with my counsellor this week, and she commented on the number of people she is meeting with who are experiencing marriage break up. One lady has been married for 13 years to a man who treats her like dirt and abuses her verbally and emotionally at home. He has also physically hurt her. In public, he puts on the face of the loving husband, but it's all for the benefit of appearance. He does not love her, he does not cherish her. However, she has been advised by her pastor to stay committed to the vow she made before God.

We search for answers that do not come easily. Marriage is a covenant and it grieves God when it is broken. I believe that He has ordained marriage to demonstrate His love for us (marriage is meant to be like Christ loves the church). However, fallen sinners and forgiven sinners cannot do this perfectly. When we break faith with our marriage partner, have we committed adultery (even if someone else isn't involved)?

This situation made me think of adultery in a different way. Adultery in God's Kingdom is any time we do not put Him first, live our lives in His Presence, surrender to Him. Adultery is allowing someone or something else to take His place in our hearts.

When my husband and I married, we wrote our own vows. And, being conscientious sorts, we read all kinds of different vows before we did anything. We both thought the pastor who married us would have a written text for us to go over! But it was a good process for us. We thought soberly and carefully through what it meant to make a covenant before God. We made sure to include Biblical promises. I promised to show him respect as the head of our home. He promised to love and protect me.

Ultimately, the most important thing was that we both promised to allow no one else to take first place in our hearts before our God and before our spouse. Even now that I am alone, I know that no one will ever take my husband's place in my heart. And, in a sense, that is not necessary. My husband's place is unique and no one can ever fill his shoes.

Marriage is a picture of God's love for us. No one else should take His place in our hearts. The total one-ness that the Lord desires for us can be achieved in marriage. No, it's not perfect. But on this side of the fence, looking back on a happy marriage that ended too soon, it seems pretty awesome.

I am always hopeful that I will see men cherishing and loving their wives. I hope to see wives showing respect and honour toward their husbands. Sometimes we aren't lovable. Sometimes they aren't really worthy of respect. I will struggle forever to accept and honour the decision my husband made. But I am trying to learn to respect the struggle he faced in living with depression for so long.

In so many ways, I have to thank the Lord for blessing me with a loving husband and a strong marriage. There has been a great loss in my life, but I have had much to lose. I realize that not everyone has that same experience. However, it is my hope that each single person who is wanting to marry and has the opportunity, will strive for the highest God has for him or her.