It's been 13 months. I'm not finished with grief yet, so don't read too much into the title of this post. However, I just found an entry in my journal from October which really resonated with me.
God is so good. He prepares me and then He brings it to pass when the time has fully come. I love the completion and fullness of God. Even in the midst of difficult circumstances, He is ever-faithful and redemptive.
We just heard of the suicide death of Rick Warren's son. Those of us who have experienced the suicide death of a close loved one are imagining once again those early days of numbness and shock. But none of us have experienced the grief that the Warrens are now walking through. Each situation is unique. In the midst of it, we can pray for and uphold the Warren family. It is a long road. God will not stop walking through this valley until the whole journey is complete.
Of late, several people I know of have died. Each time, there is a small hope in my mind. Perhaps this person or that person is seeing my husband in heaven. There is an odd sort of comfort that comes along with it.
But I'm getting off track.... This was in my journal from October 28, 2012:
There will be a time when you will need to fly the nest, to cast off the old things and move into the new. There is also going to be a time when you will leave the trauma behind. I do not rush you, but I expect you will keep moving through [note: there is no way to AVOID this - travel THROUGH it for He is walking with you]. It is hard work, so look to me to renew your strength and lift you up.
I have already told you that you will never lose your husband. He will always be yours. His love for you is never going to stop and you will be with him in heaven. But you will belong to me first. Do not become fretful about the way it will be because it will be wholly and fully good. Be assured that heaven is a golden place full of silver too. There is nothing to disappoint you there.
Marriage on earth is only a poor copy of what relationships are like in heaven. Here, you are weighted down by your body and the power of sin. Things here are a burden to you.
And this came to me in church yesterday morning. I love how God weaves it all together. Slowly the fog lifts and things start to make sense.
Know what your truth is and hold to it. The Son has healing in His hands for you. You will have all you need when you need it. You belong to me forever.
My boundaries fall in pleasant places. Do not be restricted by the boundaries of others, especially your enemy. Remember the prophetic word about fences closing in on you. I promise to take the fence away (not just enlarge the fenced-in area).
Breathe the breath you have today. Take it in to your lungs deeply. Live the full life I want for you. Accept that you cannot stop what has happened or what things could be set in motion by the choices of others.
See the opening for hope that stands before you. Walk today. Live now.
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