Do you even need to ask?

The short answer is "Yes". You do need to ask. You need to let people know what is needed, because it is different each time. Today I can put my garbage out. Next week I am a wreck and a little help would be appreciated (or I have a super-heavy garden bin which I can't budge and it would be great if...).

No one can read minds. I know I can't. But at the same time, it is hard to ask for help. People's lives have closed around again. It's been 6 months. Surely I'm over my grief now. Surely I'm moving on with my life. Yes, I know, it's ridiculous to imagine, but it is the hope of everyone that I am functional again.

Truthfully, I will never be able to pick up everything that my husband was in my life. I cannot be self-sufficient. It is not even a good idea. We need one another. Our culture, however, does not lend itself to that kind of community. We're all about being individuals here.

I may need to ask for advice, and sometimes I need a listening ear. I don't ask for advice if I am talking about my feelings, but sometimes it's hard to tell. I wonder if having a little sign held to my chest which reads "I'm sharing feelings, so please just listen" would be helpful, but I'm sure it wouldn't.

I become worried about simple things because I don't have my husband to talk it over with anymore. Frankly, my husband wasn't really able to take things in for the past year, so the worry has intensified over time - not just since his death. But I process emotions by talking / writing it out. I may need to ask you to listen. Please don't give me advice, just listen and support me as I figure it out.

Then we have the question I dread most: How are you? I have to say, most of the time I don't answer it! I say something benign like "Nice to see you", if I don't really know the person well enough to be honest. If I want to, I will say "I'm here", which pretty much describes my life.

If the sun comes up and I'm awake and breathing, then I get up. I get dressed. I eat breakfast. I do the next thing. That is how I've gotten through the last two years of my life when stress has been upon me like a weight I can't even begin to describe. Many mornings I've woken up with butterflies and sick to the stomach feelings. So how am I? Good question. I'm grieving. I'm anxious (at times). I'm stressed and easily overwhelmed. So, while I'm at it, please don't say "don't worry, it'll work out" !

I need to ask how you are too, sometimes. But that is not the time for you to tell me how depressed you are. I want to know about your life. You are important to me, too. But I can't handle a long, involved discussion. Don't tell me about the depth of your own grief. I can hardly handle living with my own.

I don't mean to be selfish, but I can't sustain or support anyone else. I am so weakened by this great pressure upon me. At the same time, I want us to be friends past this tragedy. I don't want to be a drain on you or anyone else. I just can't be the usual strong, there-for-you person I was a year ago.

I need to ask for help, but people let me down. They would let you down too. It's not just me! But, how do I move forward when I am relying on others and they don't come through? I need an electrician to fix something before winter, and they don't call back when I leave messages. I need a snow removal person and I don't know where to start to find one. These little things send me over the edge of anxiety.

There is just so much to take in, to be responsible for, you'd think it would be obvious that I will need help. However, no one can know what I need and what they can do. And I might have a need that no one can meet.

My Father knows what I need before I even have to ask it. I will pray for His provision.