God is a Redeemer. Jesus is a Redeemer. That's one of His titles, one of His jobs. He redeems for a living!
Adoption is a beautiful living picture of redemption. It shows how we are taken from our birth family and grafted into a new adoptive family. We take on a new name and we move to a new home. We change almost everything about our lives, but inside we are still the same. It is a gradual process to become adopted in the heart.
I can now say, nearly two years after my girls came home, that this is the case. They have slowly begun to accept that they are part of this family now. The birth family is still very much part of them too, and always will be, but it doesn't have to hold them back and be a burden. It can be a redeemed thing.
At the same time, old habits die hard. They still need to check constantly that they are safe, cared for and secure. My older daughter needs to check that I'm still in charge. My younger daughter always gets angry if she is not in control and frequently interviews me about what we're eating (food is a huge deal to her, even though she's a tiny little thing). There are many things from their birth family that stick to them both. I pray often that they will be free of the things that hold them back from achieving their potential.
Now we have a terrible tragedy in our lives on top of many other tragedies and losses that we have experienced. This is another chance to see the Redeemer at work. God has promised that He will redeem.
It was not His plan for my life or for my husband's (or for our daughters') for this to happen. But God will find a new path for me and for the girls. It is not the path that could have been. It is the path that will be. In time, we will see it unfold.
I say this prophetically, because I know it to be true. God will not fail to surprise us, as hard as this path is to walk on.
At times I struggle to see how anything good could come out of the death of anyone, at his own hand. A Christian. Someone I loved.
But I also realized (again) today that the enemy didn't win when my husband died. He may have tried, but he didn't have the last word. God grabbed my husband as he surrendered to death, and pulled him out and up to the heavenly realm. I know this, because a few days after my husband's death, I had a very strong word and a picture to go with it.
I have already shared some of this in a previous post, but here is some more.
I could see Jesus standing before me in all his heavenly glory (but my eyes are dim and clouded, so it was only a shadow I saw). Behind Him was a figure which was fuzzy and unclear. I realized that it was my husband. Jesus said to me, "He is with me. He is safe. Don't look for him, but know that he is here. He passed out of my reach, he closed the door to me, but I took him. I brought him here to heal him."
Jeremiah 31:11-14
For the Lord will deliver Jacob and redeem them from the hand of those stronger than they.
They will come and shout for joy on the heights of Zion;
they will rejoice in the bounty of the Lord—the grain, the new wine and the olive oil,
the young of the flocks and herds.
They will be like a well-watered garden, and they will sorrow no more.
Then young women will dance and be glad, young men and old as well.
I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.
I will satisfy the priests with abundance, and my people will be filled with my bounty, ”
declares the Lord.
I just starting reading a book this weekend by Albert Tsu (IVP) called Grieving a Suicide. It's really helpful and he's coming from a Christian perspective as well. A few things stuck, but this especially helped: the things that trigger a person before they die from suicide are not usually the things that cause the suicide. For example, if a girl breaks up with her boyfriend, then dies, it isn't the breakup that caused the suicide, but may have triggered her emotionally, exacerbating her mental state. The cause of suicide is untreated, severe depression.
God can't redeem what is already His - there's no more that can be done for my husband. He's safe now, he's at peace with the Lord. As for me and my girls, there is much redemption needed in our lives. I am trusting Him with all my heart that I will see it.
I have also learned that you can't be "healed" from grief. It's a process that must take place and run its course. However, the healing comes as He walks through grief with me. He is never far from me, and I am grateful for all that He is showing me as I allow Him in to my heart.
I know that in so many ways I will never be closer to the Lord than I am now. At the same time, I would far rather have my husband with me than be going through this!
Adoption is a beautiful living picture of redemption. It shows how we are taken from our birth family and grafted into a new adoptive family. We take on a new name and we move to a new home. We change almost everything about our lives, but inside we are still the same. It is a gradual process to become adopted in the heart.
I can now say, nearly two years after my girls came home, that this is the case. They have slowly begun to accept that they are part of this family now. The birth family is still very much part of them too, and always will be, but it doesn't have to hold them back and be a burden. It can be a redeemed thing.
At the same time, old habits die hard. They still need to check constantly that they are safe, cared for and secure. My older daughter needs to check that I'm still in charge. My younger daughter always gets angry if she is not in control and frequently interviews me about what we're eating (food is a huge deal to her, even though she's a tiny little thing). There are many things from their birth family that stick to them both. I pray often that they will be free of the things that hold them back from achieving their potential.
Now we have a terrible tragedy in our lives on top of many other tragedies and losses that we have experienced. This is another chance to see the Redeemer at work. God has promised that He will redeem.
It was not His plan for my life or for my husband's (or for our daughters') for this to happen. But God will find a new path for me and for the girls. It is not the path that could have been. It is the path that will be. In time, we will see it unfold.
I say this prophetically, because I know it to be true. God will not fail to surprise us, as hard as this path is to walk on.
At times I struggle to see how anything good could come out of the death of anyone, at his own hand. A Christian. Someone I loved.
But I also realized (again) today that the enemy didn't win when my husband died. He may have tried, but he didn't have the last word. God grabbed my husband as he surrendered to death, and pulled him out and up to the heavenly realm. I know this, because a few days after my husband's death, I had a very strong word and a picture to go with it.
I have already shared some of this in a previous post, but here is some more.
I could see Jesus standing before me in all his heavenly glory (but my eyes are dim and clouded, so it was only a shadow I saw). Behind Him was a figure which was fuzzy and unclear. I realized that it was my husband. Jesus said to me, "He is with me. He is safe. Don't look for him, but know that he is here. He passed out of my reach, he closed the door to me, but I took him. I brought him here to heal him."
Jeremiah 31:11-14
For the Lord will deliver Jacob and redeem them from the hand of those stronger than they.
They will come and shout for joy on the heights of Zion;
they will rejoice in the bounty of the Lord—the grain, the new wine and the olive oil,
the young of the flocks and herds.
They will be like a well-watered garden, and they will sorrow no more.
Then young women will dance and be glad, young men and old as well.
I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.
I will satisfy the priests with abundance, and my people will be filled with my bounty, ”
declares the Lord.
I just starting reading a book this weekend by Albert Tsu (IVP) called Grieving a Suicide. It's really helpful and he's coming from a Christian perspective as well. A few things stuck, but this especially helped: the things that trigger a person before they die from suicide are not usually the things that cause the suicide. For example, if a girl breaks up with her boyfriend, then dies, it isn't the breakup that caused the suicide, but may have triggered her emotionally, exacerbating her mental state. The cause of suicide is untreated, severe depression.
God can't redeem what is already His - there's no more that can be done for my husband. He's safe now, he's at peace with the Lord. As for me and my girls, there is much redemption needed in our lives. I am trusting Him with all my heart that I will see it.
I have also learned that you can't be "healed" from grief. It's a process that must take place and run its course. However, the healing comes as He walks through grief with me. He is never far from me, and I am grateful for all that He is showing me as I allow Him in to my heart.
I know that in so many ways I will never be closer to the Lord than I am now. At the same time, I would far rather have my husband with me than be going through this!
Amen, to that last statement, sister!
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