Before my husband died, we went on a family trip to Great Wolf Lodge. My older daughter really wanted to go, and my husband talked me into it. He thought it would give her something to look forward to as her birthday approached (a time that is usually a trigger for her). It became a celebration of our decision to complete the legal paperwork to adopt the girls. (Incidentally, that has not happened yet because my husband's death took place before the paperwork was officially signed - but that's another story...)
At Great Wolf Lodge, there is a huge water park which features a giant bucket that gradually fills with water and then spills out when it is full.
It struck me yesterday that emotion is like that. When your bucket is full, it needs to be poured out.
The question is: how?
My older daughter deals with her emotion by picking up her bucket and throwing it at everyone around her. That means we all get wet while she stays dry. It takes us a while to dry out, and sometimes we don't want to get close enough to risk getting wet again.
My husband held on to his bucket and did not pour out his emotion. Occasionally, it would burst straight upward out of him, like a volcano or like a power washer. Usually, I got splashed, but his emotion was rarely directed at me. In the end, his full bucket of emotion drowned him.
Now, I must find a way to empty my bucket. Some of my emotion is anger, some is sadness, but the bucket keeps filling up. I don't want to carry it around, but I'm also aware that as soon as I let out some of these emotions, more will well up inside of me. It seems endless and it is intense.
I also know that I am not the only one who has gone through this. What do other people do that leads to healthy expression and release of pain? Here are some suggestions I have heard:
I have also learned from my husband, in the worst way possible, that emotion must be poured out or it can overwhelm.
Would love some comments on strategies others use to pour out emotions. Let's stay healthy.
Psalm 62:8
Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
At Great Wolf Lodge, there is a huge water park which features a giant bucket that gradually fills with water and then spills out when it is full.
It struck me yesterday that emotion is like that. When your bucket is full, it needs to be poured out.
The question is: how?
My older daughter deals with her emotion by picking up her bucket and throwing it at everyone around her. That means we all get wet while she stays dry. It takes us a while to dry out, and sometimes we don't want to get close enough to risk getting wet again.
My husband held on to his bucket and did not pour out his emotion. Occasionally, it would burst straight upward out of him, like a volcano or like a power washer. Usually, I got splashed, but his emotion was rarely directed at me. In the end, his full bucket of emotion drowned him.
Now, I must find a way to empty my bucket. Some of my emotion is anger, some is sadness, but the bucket keeps filling up. I don't want to carry it around, but I'm also aware that as soon as I let out some of these emotions, more will well up inside of me. It seems endless and it is intense.
I also know that I am not the only one who has gone through this. What do other people do that leads to healthy expression and release of pain? Here are some suggestions I have heard:
- "Dose" your grief (Dr Alan Wolfelt). Allow yourself times to express and feel emotion, then allow yourself times when you are relieved from the feelings that overwhelm you.
- "Companion" yourself in your grief (Dr Wolfelt). Walk with yourself like you would with someone else you truly care about. Don't push yourself too hard, don't rush yourself. There is no reward for speed.
- Write letters to the deceased loved one, journal and blog. Ha! now you know one strategy I use!
- Engage in physical activity for the endorphines and for the physical effort that can release aggression: walk, garden, play a racquet sport with a trusted friend, punch something (preferably a pillow or punching bag!)
- Write out index cards with Bible promises on them to encourage you when emotion is overwhelming (Griefshare)
I have also learned from my husband, in the worst way possible, that emotion must be poured out or it can overwhelm.
Would love some comments on strategies others use to pour out emotions. Let's stay healthy.
Psalm 62:8
Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
I don't have a strategy, I just go with the flow when I can. Sometimes my bucket tips over and sometimes it just keeps leaking.
ReplyDeleteI do try to walk everyday. I use thought stopping. If I start to think about something that will not be helpful, I go do something else, diversion is my key.
I am not just the widow of a missionary who killed himself, I am a servant of my Lord in my own right. For months it felt like, and sometimes still does, like I was wearing a neon sign.